Do I Want My Children To Be Like Me?

A few days ago, I pinned a little picture on my "For When I'm Supermom" board on Pinterest entitled "How to Care for Introverts."  I actually saw this advice on Pinterest over a month ago when one of my friends pinned it to one of her boards. I guess it took me a few weeks to process it and decide I should take note.

When I pinned the advice on my board, I noted in the description that these were things to remember in case one of my kids turned out like me.  Yes, I'm an introvert.  Not introverted, as in the shy-type.  But, introverted in the Myers-Briggs way--my energy comes from me, large groups wear me out, I would rather develop close relationships with a few people rather than have a gajillion "friends."  I actually didn't realize I was introverted until I got to grad school.  When I took the Myers-Briggs as an undergrad, I tested right on the Extrovert/Introvert line, but more in the extroverted column.  That made sense to me then--I was in a new place and situation (we took the test at a Honors Program freshman orientation) and I was focusing more on answering the questions the way I thought they would be answered by a successful, outgoing chica from a small school trying to fit in in the big pond.  But, when I took the test again in grad school, I had move into the introverted column.  Again, it made sense--I was more at peace with myself by that time and wasn't so focused on answering the "right" way, but learning more about myself.

I don't mind being introverted, at least most of the time.  It actually comes in quite handy in the Navy lifestyle.  People come and go so often that you have no choice sometimes but to find energy from your own activities (or non-activities), as you might be the only one around or the only one in your boat (so to speak).  I've maintained my introverted ways and had one or two really good friends (or none at all) at each of the places we've lived.  I have made "friends" in each location, but just not many that I would call if I needed a shoulder for some serious leaning.  But those good friends the Navy has brought me are friends for life.

On the other side of the coin, being an introvert has led to some lonely times.  And, this is what has me concerned for my kids.  I'm not going to break Rule #12 and try to make my children extroverts, but I don't want them to be lonely like I have been--this is especially true as we move at least once if not 2-3 more times before Jip gets out of the Navy and we find a place to be for longer than 36 months. 

I'm already seeing a bit of introvert in RJ.  Everyday when we go to the playground, I let him choose which one.  And, most of the time, he asks me if other kids will be there.  Sometimes when I answer yes, he says he wants to go to a different one.  I've learned the playgrounds on base that have no kids or very few kids.  But, I'm not sure I'm doing him any favors.  But, he is like me--he has his few favorite kids that he is always excited to see, but when it comes to adding new ones to the mix, the excitement wanes.  This morning, RJ was excited to go to a playground with some of our favorite people here.  But, when we went to a different playground this afternoon, the enthusiasm was lacking.  And, after chasing a couple of kids who didn't want to be chased and being yelled at by a girl for saying "surprise" (his version of hide-and-seek/peek-a-boo), he was ready to leave. 

So, what's a girl to do?  I guess I'll do my best to just back off and let the friendships, alone time, and learning about themselves take place as naturally as possible.  I'll keep exposing them to as much as I can without overwhelming them (and myself) and hope they will be comfortable enough in their own introverted (or extroverted--Ryleigh and RJ still have plenty of time to prove they are nothing like me!) ways.